You Were Doing the Best You Could With What You Knew

I think we’re a little too hard on our past selves.

Like we expect her to have known everything we know now.

To have handled things better.

To have made different choices, said different things, walked away sooner, stayed longer, reacted less, understood more.

We look back with this version of us—the one who’s learned, who’s grown, who’s seen how things play out—and we judge her like she had access to all of that too.

But she didn’t.

She was working with what she had.

The knowledge she had at the time.

The emotional capacity she had at the time.

The experiences she had lived through… at that point.

That’s it.

When you were 13, you didn’t know how to navigate your emotions yet.

You didn’t know how to communicate clearly, set boundaries, or even fully understand what you were feeling.

You were just trying to figure out where you fit.

When you were a little older, you were learning in real time.

About relationships.

About trust.

About what feels right and what doesn’t.

And sometimes you learned the hard way.

Maybe you stayed in something too long.

Maybe you trusted someone you shouldn’t have.

Maybe you ignored your gut because you didn’t know how to listen to it yet.

That doesn’t make you weak.

That makes you human.

And even now—whatever age you are reading this—you are still learning.

Still growing.

Still navigating things you’ve never experienced before.

There are decisions you’re making today that, one day, a future version of you will look back on and think,

“I would’ve handled that differently now.”

But that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

It means you’re evolving.

We don’t come into life knowing how to handle everything perfectly.

We learn through experience.

Through trial and error.

Through moments that feel confusing, messy, even painful.

And yes—sometimes we wish we could go back.

Say something different.

Choose something different.

Protect ourselves better.

But you can’t apply today’s awareness to a version of you who hadn’t learned it yet.

That’s not fair.

She wasn’t careless.

She wasn’t clueless.

She was learning.

Every choice you made—even the ones you question now—came from a place of doing the best you could with what you understood at the time.

And that deserves compassion.

Not criticism.

Because that version of you?

She’s the reason you’re here now.

She walked through things you didn’t know how to handle yet…

so you could become someone who does.

So instead of looking back and cringing…

or wishing you had been different…

Try this—

Look back and say,

“You didn’t know then what I know now.

But you still showed up.

You still tried.

You still made it through.”

And that counts for something.

Actually—

that counts for everything.